Monday, March 25, 2013

Friends with Baby

If you have babies, you may be able to relate to this post. This may just be a rant, so I apologize in advance.

Since having Cameron, my entire social scene has changed. I get it. I am the only one of my friends who has a baby, and my flexibility and schedule are a bit different. A lot different. I can't just take off for the weekend on a ski trip. I can't make it to Boston for birthdays. I can't always grab a drink on a Friday night. Nor do I always want to! My priorities have changed. My energy level has changed. My bank account has changed. A LOT.

I've changed. But, I love me. I love my family. I love my son. I love my Friday nights at home with Chad. And I still love my friends, but I don't always feel the same respect.

I wish my friends could understand that. I totally get it that I signed up for this. Not my friends. But is it too much to expect a little leniency on their behalves? I feel like we have an awful disease that nobody wants to touch. Not really, but kind of...

I've started my Arbonne business and I am doing a great job, but there's no support from my friends - those girls who I thought would be my #1 cheerleaders through life. They always have something else going on - something more important. Instead it's my newer friends. My long-distant friends who live in different states. My friends with babies. My friends who understand my life. I guess this is one of those chapters in my life that make you realize who will always be there. It makes me super sad, but I get it. My priorities have changed, so why wouldn't theirs?

Have you been through this? Have your friends changed since having babies?

4 comments:

  1. oh I am SOOOOO with you on this! My friend whine and complain constantly about me not being able to drop everything to do what they want! SO irritating!

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  2. I am so sorry :( That really sucks and is pretty immature if you ask me. They have to know that of course your priorities have changed, but you are still the same person on the inside. With my husband being in the military, I have not been around my best friends since having Charli, so I don't know what you are going through unfortunately, but I can totally understand how you might be feeling. I love my Friday nights and weekend nights sitting on the couch in my sweats with the hubby, watching her sleep through the monitor! (Doesn't get any better, and I wouldn't change it for the world!) Keep your head up high and stay strong! :)

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  3. Michael and I have talked about this a lot lately and when it's all said and done, I've come to the conclusion that true friends are just that - true, loyal friends regardless of circumstances or life choices. I know it sounds somewhat callous to say it that way but it's true. Friends are the ones who celebrate your life choices with you - not against you. I've also come to learn that the friends who genuinely care about you and your family are the ones who take the time to understand the new chapter in your life and are willing to work with you to squeeze in time to spend together. They are NOT the ones who make you feel guilty for your choices nor are they the ones you need to justify said choices. Not to say that it isn't sad when you realize friends aren't what you thought they would be because it is. It's almost a mourning in a way but really - do you want people in your life who aren't genuinely loving, supportive and understanding about where you are and want to be in your life right now? I didn't think so. :-)

    I've struggled with this issue a lot since I had Madeline. Maybe it's because I know if the roles were reversed, I'd be the supportive, loving friend that I expect others to be. I would actually want to be in the lives of my friends' kids - you know...to be crazy, funny, and loving "Aunt" Courtney. That's why it hurts. Because you know if the roles were reversed, you would be a great friend to a friend. I know for a fact that if I was still a single woman with mom friends, I may not understand all the facets of being a mom but I would do my best to make the effort because THAT'S what true friendship is.

    Take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Take comfort in knowing there is NOTHING wrong with you, the way you feel, or the things you want in your life right now. I love being a homebody now. I love snuggling on the sofa with my chickie and my lovie while we do absolutely nothing but be a family. And yes - while it's nice to get out every so often and have girl time, there's nothing better than being with my family and I no longer feel the least bit guilty about it. And really why should we? And do we really want people in our lives that would make us feel bad about time with family? No. Family is forever. Love yours and that beautiful blessing you have. In this life, it's the only thing that truly matters.

    Love to you all. XO

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  4. I've been dealing with this a lot lately too. Having a baby changes everything, including other people. I never expected that. It makes me incredibly sad to let some of those friends go, but I have a feeling that when they have babies, they'll "get it" and be back in my life. Right now we just have different priorities and are at different places in our lives. And that's ok. Friendships change and evolve. If they're meant to be in your life, they'll be back. It just might take some time.

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